Been wondering why the man who cheated on you is also furious at you? Where does he get off blaming you when he was the one who cheated? When my ex told me he was leaving I kept asking him why he was so angry with me, what did I do that was so terrible? He insisted that it wasn’t about me.
“Why do you always think everything is about you?” he’d snap at me. I guess he meant it was about her since he had fallen in love with someone else. Then why was he so angry at me? Why did he blame me for the demise of the relationship, why did he seem to feel entitled to leave me for someone else, why the constant rage?
According to Catherine B. Silver, in an essay in Cut Loose; edited by Nan Bauer-Maglin, “Dumping someone is certainly an act of fear, aggressiveness and symbolic violence. When an individual dumps a partner he expresses narcissistic rage comparable to a child’s temper tantrum.” It is that act of aggression that makes men who dump a wife or girlfriend for someone else different from a man who cheats but remains in the relationship. Is Infidelity a Form of Domestic Abuse?
Why are some men so cruel?
I couldn’t understand why my ex never expressed remorse for what he’d done to me after leaving me for another woman. He had remorse over what he had done to our daughter but none for the pain he had caused me. He’d always been extremely concerned about me while we were married, worried about my health, mental and physical. He’d always apologized every time he blew up at me. I was stunned at his coldness. Understanding The Pain and Rejection of Infidelity
An Inability to Empathize:
He did say to me on various occasions that he felt guilty, but he never apologized or showed any empathy for my suffering. “Infidelity is harder on women, who are more vulnerable to feelings while men are a law unto themselves,” explains psychoanalyst Simone Sternberg. “Men don’t allow themselves to empathize with women’s suffering. It’s too threatening. Also underneath a man’s supposed indifference or even hostility is self-hate which they project onto the wife. They can’t afford to empathize or they’ll have to experience the full force of that emotion.”
Dear reader, which gender do you think often fall victim of infidelity? Any live experience to back it up will be highly appreciated. Thanks.