Category: cheating

May 8th, 2015 by heartmatterz

I met this girl in your december 2013,edition.initially,distance was our challenge but we resolved that on january 13, 2014, when she visited me for the first time. We ended up in bed. I was stunned the next day when another suitor slept with her. prior to our meeting,she had shared her dirty past with me on the three abortions she had. She said she was sleeping with friends boyfriend and her  room-mates in school. She slepts with men even those she come across on the internet. She can have sex anywhere including her parents house and shop. The worst was when she got a job in lagos and had to put at  her uncles place. Vexed by her unrepentant character,I visited her there,slept with her forcefully and called it quits.Did i go too far?
O.B,
Ondo.
yes you did go to far. That she is unrepentant of her ways is not sufficient for you to rape her. Obviously,you never loved her but wanted her body and not ready to help her. Meeting anyone(male or female) on this platform is not to have cheap sex or extort money from them. It is for two consenting adults to meet band make something worthwhile of their relationship with eachother. She has a problem which if you  are willing, could be resolved by your love. You need to apologise to her.

 

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May 6th, 2015 by heartmatterz

1. Select wisely. Some men are just serial cheaters and you can do nothing to stop them. However, you will be able to identify them quite easily.

Serial cheaters crave attention and will flirt with anyone around, whether it is a waitress, boss or their neighbor. They usually have a lot of female “friends” around. They might confide that the reason they broke up with an ex-girlfriend was her “trust issues.”

If you see one or more red flags, stay away. It is not worth it, there is a very slim possibility that you can “fix” him. 50 Ways To Strengthen Your Relationship

2. Remember, cheating is almost never about sex. Most men cheat because they need validation of their manhood. They want to feel big and strong and want an ego boost.

Anthony Weiner’s affair began with a woman complimenting him on Facebook, saying that one of his speeches was “hottttt.” Do not wait for other girls to compliment him. Make sure he feels validated and appreciated in your relationship. By doing this, he does not have to seek validation externally. Is Cyber Sex Cheating?

3. Be his best friend. The more connections you have, the less likely he is to treat you lightly. If you are his best friend, you share everything, you have hobbies together, you know everything that is happening at his work and he knows everything about your life. If he cheats, he has more to lose by hurting you. Therefore, he is less likely to venture out.

4. Educate him. Sometimes, it is important to identify boundaries. If you treat boundaries seriously, if fidelity and loyalty are very important for you to feel secure in the relationship, tell him. Tell him, “I love and respect you, but if you even think of cheating on me, this love and respect can be lost and I can’t help it because loyalty is important to me.”

5. Grow and change. Grow together and separately. Grow as a person and do not melt in your relationship. Look for new hobbies, books, movies and projects that expand your horizons and challenge your comfort zone.

People who have a thirst for knowledge and fun are great to be around. Surprise him and yourself by changing. Try new hairstyles, looks, designs and makeup techniques. Go for a date in a different restaurant or try a new holiday destination. For more dramatic change, change your career if it does not satisfy you or move together to a new place.

 

We have deliberately given just 5 out of 7. We want our readers to add the remaining 2 and much more. So, kindly use the COMMENT box below to give yours.  DO NOT FORGET to Share this article to your friends using the facebook button by the side…

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May 6th, 2015 by heartmatterz

Been wondering why the man who cheated on you is also furious at you? Where does he get off blaming you when he was the one who cheated? When my ex told me he was leaving I kept asking him why he was so angry with me, what did I do that was so terrible? He insisted that it wasn’t about me.

“Why do you always think everything is about you?” he’d snap at me. I guess he meant it was about her since he had fallen in love with someone else. Then why was he so angry at me? Why did he blame me for the demise of the relationship, why did he seem to feel entitled to leave me for someone else, why the constant rage?

According to Catherine B. Silver, in an essay in Cut Loose; edited by Nan Bauer-Maglin, “Dumping someone is certainly an act of fear, aggressiveness and symbolic violence. When an individual dumps a partner he expresses narcissistic rage comparable to a child’s temper tantrum.” It is that act of aggression that makes men who dump a wife or girlfriend for someone else different from a man who cheats but remains in the relationship. Is Infidelity a Form of Domestic Abuse?

Why are some men so cruel?

  • Neediness: He needs you to admire and approve of him, but he hates himself for having these unacceptable, “unmanly” needs. They need us to be “mommy” because their own mothers let them down.
  • Middle Age: When men hit middle age this internal conflict between wanting a lover and a mommy intensifies. They see that most of their life is over and they’re never going to get whatever it was they wanted from mommy, i.e. admiration, unconditional love. They direct their hatred at us, their longtime wife/mommy combo, because they’re so dependent on us. Finding a new love cuts the umbilical cord. Of course the same pattern repeats with the new love, but by that time the marriage/relationship is long over.  Self Loathing and The Cheater

I couldn’t understand why my ex never expressed remorse for what he’d done to me after leaving me for another woman. He had remorse over what he had done to our daughter but none for the pain he had caused me. He’d always been extremely concerned about me while we were married, worried about my health, mental and physical. He’d always apologized every time he blew up at me. I was stunned at his coldness.  Understanding The Pain and Rejection of Infidelity

An Inability to Empathize:

He did say to me on various occasions that he felt guilty, but he never apologized or showed any empathy for my suffering. “Infidelity is harder on women, who are more vulnerable to feelings while men are a law unto themselves,” explains psychoanalyst Simone Sternberg. “Men don’t allow themselves to empathize with women’s suffering. It’s too threatening. Also underneath a man’s supposed indifference or even hostility is self-hate which they project onto the wife. They can’t afford to empathize or they’ll have to experience the full force of that emotion.”

 

Dear reader, which gender do you think often fall victim of infidelity? Any live experience to back it up will be highly appreciated. Thanks.

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May 4th, 2015 by heartmatterz

My boyfriend and I just had a huge fight about me looking at his phone. we’ve been together 21 months and up until 6 months ago, he had no qualms about me knowing his pin for his phone and having a look every once and a while. all of a sudden he changed his mind and wouldn’t tell me his pin. he said it was because he didn’t want me to know his christmas plans for me. he knows my code and i feel like he reads my messages all the time. it’s difficult as he has access to my laptop which also has access to imessages and facebook without any password. I don’t feel like i would want to enable a password/log out everytime as I have nothing to hide. Now he says he’d only give me his pin if i gave him my pin to my diary, which is a completely different thing, and something he knows i would never do.

phonetoday he was looking through my photos on my phone, and i noticed he left his phone unlocked and unattended. before he realised, i took it and went to the bathroom, locking the door. he realised and banged so hard on the door shouting and threatening to delete stuff off my phone. to be honest i didn’t find much on his phone, but didn’t look that hard. i was just shocked by his reaction. i came out and said he should leave, and told him to take all the stuff he leaves in my flat back. i tried to talk to him about it, but he kept joking around, and didn’t take me seriously. i told him if he didn’t want to, then he should leave and not come back (ie lets break up – I didn’t know how else to make him take me seriously! i know it’s immature, but he wouldn’t talk at all!). his response was that this is just a silly fight and i should get over it and he’ll call me later.

the fact that he used to be so open about his phone worries me as i don’t understand things would change. it’s just been bothering me for so long that it’s finally just come to a head. i know the general consensus on here is that phones are private, but it’s not fair that it seems to be one rule for me and another for him…

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