May 8th, 2015 by heartmatterz

I have been in a relationship for 11 years but we have been married for four years with three children. I have never enjoyed material bliss and everything became a nightmare when i hd my first child. My husband calls me names in the presense of his friends and family members,to the extent that they dont respect me. He beats me up whenever there is an argument and he does not take me or children out.Whenever i go out  with my friends;he refers me as a lesbian! Now, I have started avoiding my friends. I have not received any gift from him neither does he kiss or hug me. I am thinking of leaving him but my mother disagreed  because of my children. I cannot bear it anymore. What do i do?
P.J,
LAGOS
I would not advise divorce because these issues are subject to changes as long as both of you are determ9ned to build a peaceful home together. I know something went wrong somewhere because you did not say  he was like that during the seven yeras of courtship. It is wrong for a husband to insult his wife before his relative but dont adress it violently. As a wife ,learn to make peace;understsnd what he complains about and which areas he wants change from you too. On the issue of spousal abuse,do all you can to avoid arguing with him. Dosent he have someone he respects that you can report him to? Please find out and see if that will work
Also,do you have a means of his livelihood? If he continues this way you should be prepared of facing the reality of living without him
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May 8th, 2015 by heartmatterz

I met this girl in your december 2013,edition.initially,distance was our challenge but we resolved that on january 13, 2014, when she visited me for the first time. We ended up in bed. I was stunned the next day when another suitor slept with her. prior to our meeting,she had shared her dirty past with me on the three abortions she had. She said she was sleeping with friends boyfriend and her  room-mates in school. She slepts with men even those she come across on the internet. She can have sex anywhere including her parents house and shop. The worst was when she got a job in lagos and had to put at  her uncles place. Vexed by her unrepentant character,I visited her there,slept with her forcefully and called it quits.Did i go too far?
O.B,
Ondo.
yes you did go to far. That she is unrepentant of her ways is not sufficient for you to rape her. Obviously,you never loved her but wanted her body and not ready to help her. Meeting anyone(male or female) on this platform is not to have cheap sex or extort money from them. It is for two consenting adults to meet band make something worthwhile of their relationship with eachother. She has a problem which if you  are willing, could be resolved by your love. You need to apologise to her.

 

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May 6th, 2015 by heartmatterz

1. Select wisely. Some men are just serial cheaters and you can do nothing to stop them. However, you will be able to identify them quite easily.

Serial cheaters crave attention and will flirt with anyone around, whether it is a waitress, boss or their neighbor. They usually have a lot of female “friends” around. They might confide that the reason they broke up with an ex-girlfriend was her “trust issues.”

If you see one or more red flags, stay away. It is not worth it, there is a very slim possibility that you can “fix” him. 50 Ways To Strengthen Your Relationship

2. Remember, cheating is almost never about sex. Most men cheat because they need validation of their manhood. They want to feel big and strong and want an ego boost.

Anthony Weiner’s affair began with a woman complimenting him on Facebook, saying that one of his speeches was “hottttt.” Do not wait for other girls to compliment him. Make sure he feels validated and appreciated in your relationship. By doing this, he does not have to seek validation externally. Is Cyber Sex Cheating?

3. Be his best friend. The more connections you have, the less likely he is to treat you lightly. If you are his best friend, you share everything, you have hobbies together, you know everything that is happening at his work and he knows everything about your life. If he cheats, he has more to lose by hurting you. Therefore, he is less likely to venture out.

4. Educate him. Sometimes, it is important to identify boundaries. If you treat boundaries seriously, if fidelity and loyalty are very important for you to feel secure in the relationship, tell him. Tell him, “I love and respect you, but if you even think of cheating on me, this love and respect can be lost and I can’t help it because loyalty is important to me.”

5. Grow and change. Grow together and separately. Grow as a person and do not melt in your relationship. Look for new hobbies, books, movies and projects that expand your horizons and challenge your comfort zone.

People who have a thirst for knowledge and fun are great to be around. Surprise him and yourself by changing. Try new hairstyles, looks, designs and makeup techniques. Go for a date in a different restaurant or try a new holiday destination. For more dramatic change, change your career if it does not satisfy you or move together to a new place.

 

We have deliberately given just 5 out of 7. We want our readers to add the remaining 2 and much more. So, kindly use the COMMENT box below to give yours.  DO NOT FORGET to Share this article to your friends using the facebook button by the side…

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